So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
