Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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