My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
