Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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