You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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