jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
