By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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