um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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