JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
