Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
