Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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