White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
it's like iHOP with fire
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
