Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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