She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
