i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
