Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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