Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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