is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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