if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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