im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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