its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
