The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
