it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
