if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
