I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Holy sore nipples Batman
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
