I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
