Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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