Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Randomize