please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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