I think i peed on brittanys purse
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
