just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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