After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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