I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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