I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
