Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
