Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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