hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
