Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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