Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
