and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
