awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
