Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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