Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
