Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
