hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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