if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
