my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
