I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
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