I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
