cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
