and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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