She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
