I accidentally had phone sex last night
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
