Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
