Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
