for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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