He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize