Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
