Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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