Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
