the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
