Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
