is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
