Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
