he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Randomize
