i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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