Having a random hookup so left but love u
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize