So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
