Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
